The Farce in the Dream
by bailey80
Summary: My entry for the Bones Secret Cupid challenge. Just a silly little look at what might have been if our favorite characters had taken slightly different paths in life. For 2bbornottobb, I hope you enjoy your story!


_Author's Note: This is my entry for the Bones Secret Cupid exchange, for 2bbornot2bb. My prompt was fairly simple. She wanted Booth, Brennan and humor. This story is meant to be silly and laughable, and is not in any way meant to be taken seriously. Thanks for all who helped me brainstorm on Twitter, especially Frankie. And thanks to someonetookmyname for the always timely beta job. _

_Happy Valentine's Day!_

* * *

><p>"Hey Bones, what have we got?" Jack Hodgins asked as he sprinted up the stairs onto the lab platform where his partner, Angela Montenegro stood looking over a set of remains.<p>

She looked up from the body. "Caucasian male in his late twenties, too decomposed for any distinguishing features but the face was fairly well intact, just squished. Brennan is working on a facial reconstruction now."

"Squished?"

"Looks like something crushed the skull. The weapon seemed to be square shaped, dropped from a long distance and landed right on top of the head. Squashed the body from the top, breaking both femurs just proximal to the knees and snapping the spine in several different places."

"Well that's interesting," Hodgins said as he took a step back from the body. He didn't like being too close to the remains, especially when they were covered with slim and insects like this one was. "Why are those things still crawling on him? Where's the bug guy?"

"The bug guy is late. I think he's had a late night with Daisy."

"Agent Wick?" The other agent cringed at having to use her name. "Well whatever keeps her away from the Hoover. She has got to be the most annoying FBI agent I have ever encountered."

"Are you talking about Daisy Wick?" Brennan said as she joined them on the platform. "I just don't see what he likes about her. I am much more beautiful. And more rational."

"Of course you are. Did you finish the facial reconstruction?"

"Yes and I have a name." Brennan pushed a few buttons on her hand held computer remote and a face appeared on the screen. "Wendell Bray. He's a mechanic. Here's an animation I made of the murder."

They watched the screen as a large anvil fell off the side of a building and onto the man's head, causing him to fall into a heap on the ground. "Was that an anvil?"

"I tried several different objects and an anvil is the only one that fits the data that you gave me."

"If you have an address, I'll go talk to the family," Hodgins said.

"I'll go with you." Daisy bounded up the stairs, followed closely by her boyfriend.

"There you are, this body is covered with bug and dirt evidence and you've caused us to waste time waiting on you to get here," Angela chided.

"I'm sorry but I just can't tell my Daisy Waisy no, can I?" He pulled her into an embrace, kissing her passionately on the lips.

"No, my Seeley Weeley never tells me no. That's why I love him so much, isn't that right Pokey?"

"I do not need to watch this," Brennan announced with an eye roll.

"Go call Clark sweetie, he'll make you feel better."

Brennan turned around to show Angela that she already had her cell phone to her ear and smiled as she walked back off the platform. "I'm already taking care of that Dr. Montenegro."

"I'm with her, I'm not going to stay and listen to this. Come on Daisy let's go talk to the victim's family."

"Okay, I'll miss you baby bear."

"I'll miss you too my little flower power."

"Enough! Booth, the remains?"

"Right, yes, I'll go get my scraper and start to work."

As Hodgins and Daisy started out of the office they were passed by FBI director Cullen. "Have either of you seen Dr. Goodman?"

Daisy had a confused look on her face but Hodgins remembered the man. "Check the bathroom. He said he was going in there six years ago and he never came back out."

"Thanks Agent Hodgins."

"Wait, wait, wait. Where the hell have you been?"

Cullen stared at him wondering why he'd ask such a question. "Lunch."

"That must have been some lunch," Hodgins said.

Hodgins and Daisy were almost knocked down by Clark Edison as he came running through the front doors of the lab. He had a bottle of wine in one hand, a box of chocolates in the other.

"Whoa, slow down there man."

"Can't wait. My Tempe needs me." He sprinted toward Brennan's office where she was waiting for him in the doorway, her lab coat already off, and half her blouse unbuttoned, a riding stick in her hand. "I'm here baby, I'm here!"

Hodgins watched as they slammed the door behind them, shaking his head as he guided Daisy out the door to conduct their interviews.

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><p>Clark nearly collided with federal prosecutor Camille Saroyan as he left Temperance's office, his clothing still askew. As she entered she noticed several cleverly tied ropes hanging from the artist's ceiling.<p>

"I see you're still coming up with creative ways to make use of the interns."

"Sex has long been held as one of the most effective forms of stress relief Miss Saroyan. And this job can be quite stressful. Would you like to borrow Clark for later?"

"Yes it can be a stressful environment here but no I do not like the idea of trading the staff for sexual favors."

"Suit yourself," Brennan said with a grin. "Was there something you needed from me?"

"Yes, I wanted to ask-" Camille began but her sentence was cut off abruptly by a loud crash coming from the center of the lab. She and Brennan traded worried glances before running off together to investigate.

"Daisy, my Daisy!" They entered the main lab area to find Seeley Booth sobbing as he knelt beside of his girlfriend. Well they assumed it was his girlfriend as he was calling her name repeatly. All that could be seen was her brown ponytail sticking out from underneath a baby grand piano. A piano that had last been seen on the balcony above the lab.

"We had just gotten back from arresting two people in connection with the Bray murder when the piano just fell from the rafters," Hodgins said.

As the team looked up they saw Vincent Nigel Murray standing leaning against the railing, his hands up in a defensive posture. He shrugged his shoulders, "Were you aware that there are as many as fifty seven piano related deaths in the United States each year?"

As Booth continued to wail in anguish next to the remains of his former lover Doctor Montenegro looked to Camille for their next move. "Does Hodgins need to arrest Vincent?"

"For killing Daisy?"

Angela nodded, a bit exasperated that there was even a question.

Cam debated with herself for only a moment before saying, "Accidents happen. What are you going to do?" She looked to the upper level of the lab and gave Vincent a thumbs up. He breathed a sigh of relief and dashed off to continue his duties as coroner.

"So you said you made arrests in the Bray murder?"

Hodgins looked confused as he slowly made sense of what had just occurred, "Oh, yes, we did. We arrested a Tim Sullivan and a Hannah Burley. We've already gotten full confessions from both of them."

"I'll go start on the paperwork." Camille glanced down at the still distraught bug guy and pointed her thumb, "Would someone please console him?"

Brennan was the first to move, kneeling down to pull Booth onto his feet, "Come on, losing a loved one in this manner can be very stressful and I know an excellent method of stress reduction."

* * *

><p>"Bones!"<p>

"Hmpft?"

"Wake up." Booth reached over to turn on the lamp beside of their bed as he shook her shoulders to waken her.

"What's wrong?" She was still half asleep as she propped herself up in bed and faced him.

"I just had the craziest dream. You were Angela and she was you, and Cam was Caroline, and I was Hodgins." He stopped, a mortified look crossing his features. "And I was sleeping with Daisy."

She arched her eyebrows, "Daisy?"

"It was horrifying. I called her pet names and oh, wow, Wendell was dead. Hannah and Sully killed him, and then Vincent Nigel Murray dropped a piano on Daisy and she died."

"That must have been very frightening for you seeing as she was your lover."

"It's not funny, Bones. And actually, right after she died, you and me went to your office to have sex."

"You know Sweets would say this dream fulfilled several purposes for your unconsciousness. Wish fulfillment with the death of someone you dislike. Daisy. And you probably villainize Hannah and Sully subconsciously and that's why you imagined them as murderers."

"Okay Bones, you're talking about psychology and you're making sense. Maybe I'm still asleep." Booth ran a tired hand across his face.

"I suppose I've been listening to Sweets more than I realized."

"Sweets wasn't even in my dream. What do you think that means?"

"Your subconscious attempting to rid your life of all of his past influences?"

"Now you're just making things up."

"Maybe I can come up with something better by morning. Can we go back to sleep now?"

"Yeah, yes, definitely. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Goodnight Booth."

"Goodnight Bones." He rolled over and began to fall back to sleep before another thought struck him. "You were using Clark as some sort of boy toy."

Brennan thought about the prospect for a moment before she spoke. "He is the most physically attractive of the interns. If I were going to sleep with one of them-"

"Bones!"

"I said 'if.' I am dedicated to being in a monogamous relationship with you Booth. I am not going to be sleeping with anyone else for the foreseeable future, even if you are subconsciously having sex with Daisy."

"Technically my subconscious had Daisy murdered so that it could have sex with you instead."

"There is something very sweet but yet very wrong with that statement."

"This is the last time that we're having Thai food right before bed."


End file.
